Friday, March 09, 2007

Satan Lives!

After finishing the previous post I decided to do a bit of "satanic" googling in an attempt to get to the bottom of this Satan character (and to beat a dead horse just a bit more). Let me tell you, people, I was shocked at what I found. Satan, it appears, is indeed alive and well and exerting a palpable influence in the world in which we live (er, as opposed to the one in which we don't live... anyway, onwards!). Below you will find actual news stories in which Satan figures prominently!!! Behold evil and its manifold, er... manifestations!

The stupid: Pope Benedict XVI says "all rock music is the work of Satan" and opposes the use of guitars in mass. [Thanks Glenn.]

The obvious: Britney Spears is "Satan Crazed". [Thanks Chez.]

The usual: A BBC poll has found that Israel is Satan's bastard child.

The shocking: Satan is real and global warming is the myth.

The contradictory: Satan is behind global warming.

Da bomb: Satan is an ICBM, and has been targeting the US for the past 20 years.

The chosen: Ann Coulter has been named as Satan's Great Whore for 2007.


  1. I heard that Satan was retired and just laughs and shakes his head when he reads in the papers that something is blamed on him. "Back in the day, it wuz just me and God," he says ruefully, "Now, He was a piece of work. Tough guy. Never thought I'd outlive Him."

  2. He's dead, he's alive, he's real, he's back, he's rock 'n roll, he's a dog, he's Ann Coulter.

    Okay, whatever the story, I just hope he shows up to his nephew's birthday party on Saturday. Little Timmy is anxious to see his uncle and if Satan disappoints him again. . .

  3. Yeah, Pierre, and Satan looks like Mickey Rourke in Domino (which I had the misfortune of watching last night on TV), all tattooed and smoking cigarettes...

  4. GT, you raise a good point. Evil always leaves me feeling somehow cheapened the next day (not to mention the hassle of getting it off my jeans). Does Satan ever step in to cheer me up? Nooooo...
    It's a clear dereliction of duty and it's no fucking wonder he's got family issues...

  5. Satan invented the 'peseros' (a massive transportation system in Mexico City) to torture the poor working souls. He lives on the apartament above mine, and forced me to move due to the racket he makes on the wooden floors after midnight. And I'm not crazy. I've lived it!

  6. My favourite ever satan story was in Weekly World News when they ran a story of a woman who was raped by satan after going on a blind date with him. They included and "artists impression" of the man police were looking for - complete with pointy beard and horns.