On the Cover of The Rolling Stone?

So, like, the latest issue of Rolling Stone (Special Issue!) contains a section called "State of Rock: 40 Reasons To Get Excited About Music: Starring The Black Eyed Peas."

Now, I gotta admit, I don't mind at all looking at that cover. But there's no way in hell that I'm gonna turn the page to see what's on the inside. I already know that whatever's on the inside has been gilded with shit (you know, with a shit spray bomb or something).

I actually used to buy Rolling Stone when I was a kid. I bought it for the record reviews. I get the distinct impression that music criticism isn't a strong point of Rolling Stone these days. I'd be embarrassed to be seen leaving a magazine shop with it these days, unless it was hidden somehow, perhaps sandwiched between the latest copies of Hustler and Easy Rider or something. [Read carefully, please.]

I wonder if this means I'm not getting older, I'm getting cooler, more hip? Bleh, who gives a shit?

Bring back CREEM!

Unlikely for Reasons too Obvious to Bother Mentioning

Screen grab:


So, I'm sitting in traffic and wondering which route will get me to my destination the fastest. I know! I'll "Bing & Decide"!

Some People Actually Pay for This Crap?

Screen grab while browsing the web today:


So many questions bouncing around in my head.

Like, why should any person with intact higher brain function care that Windows Live Messenger has been around for 10 years? Does anyone still actually use it? (Really? Why?)

Are there really people out there looking for "free winks and emoticons" (presumably for use with Windows Live Messenger)? Are they salivating at the thought of a "gift pack" of these things?

Do you think if I asked nicely Windows Live Messenger would just give me the cash value of these winks and emoticons? (You're way ahead of me, aren't you, O clever reader!)

Am I too cynical? I doubt it...

Corporate largesse is really something else, isn't it?

From the Dept. of Wishful Thinking

From The Guardian's website: Disgruntled Japanese turn to resurgent communists.

[...]
By dispensing with ideological rhetoric and focusing on welfare and jobs, the JCP has struck a chord with students, the unemployed and the estimated 10 million Japanese earning less than 2m yen (about £14,000) a year.

[...]
The JCP is barely recognisable from the party of 30 years ago. Now, dialectic materialism has been replaced by a commitment to "democratic change within the current framework of capitalism".

"The JCP of today is very different," said Go Ito, a professor of politics at Meiji University in Tokyo. "The modern party is pragmatic, which is why it has managed to tap into the dissatisfaction being felt right across Japanese society."

Whatever. At least they didn't bring up Japan's rising "right-wing nationalism" (like most Western media outlets).

On the topic of communism, I'd probably agree with a typical communist in identifying major problems in the world. His solutions to those problems, though, mark him as batshit-crazy to me. I guess that makes me a liberal...

Newsreading Tip

When you're reading a news story with a headline like 'Atlantis' spotted on ocean floor off Africa, if the story includes a picture of Patrick Duffy (The Man from Atlantis), there's a distinct possibility that the "facts" of the story are not to be trusted.

Go to Hell, Please

I'm trying to wrap my mind around this: A New York Times reporter writes that Donald Trump's "true worth lies in the millions of dollars, rather than in the billions as the mogul maintains."

In retaliation, Trump sues the reporter for 5 billion dollars. What a dick.

[Via FARK]

Satan's Soldiers *

Sheikh Muhammad Munajid, a Muslim cleric in the U.K., informs us that "[...] according to Islamic law, Mickey Mouse should be killed in all cases."

This might actually seem like a pretty reasonable proposition to many (at least when their 5-year-olds aren't in the same room). Munajid doesn't stop while he's ahead, though. He claims that "the mouse is one of Satan's soldiers and is steered by him," and that "both household mice and their cartoon counterparts must be killed."

Ponder this for a minute: both household mice and their cartoon counterparts...

Later in the article Sheikh Munajid really muddies the waters, calling the Beijing Olympics the "bikini Olympics," and claiming that "nothing [makes] Satan happier than seeing female athletes dressed in skimpy outfits."

Satan, at least, sounds like he's got his priorities straight...

[* Damn, I love a snappy post title!]

Our Mission

You know, people often accost me as I'm walking down the street here in Miyazaki, and they all seem to have the same question: "Kyklops, just what is it that you're trying to accomplish with this blogging thing?"

You, dear reader, might well be wondering the same thing, but what I tell my fellow Miyazaki-dwellers is this: In a few years I will likely have the world's largest on-line compendium of pictures of Japanese soft drink vending machines and utility pole wires. Mmbwahahahahaha!!!

Some people are visibly put off by this answer to their question. Others, however, politely smile and nod as they go about their business.

Dinosaurs Revisited

I've briefly discussed this sort of thing in an older post. According to Vince Fenech, Evangelist pastor and director of a "Creationist institution" in Malta, dinosaurs helped build the pyramids.

Clearly there's no point debating with these people, but I can't wait for Spielberg or someone to do a remake of The Ten Commandments, complete with dinosaurs chasing the Hebrews into the Red Sea as it parts. What a fucking scene that would be!

It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time

Perhaps they should have focus-grouped this new kids snack a bit more carefully.



[Via: Penny Arcade]

"The Drink That Makes The Whole World Kin"

Here's an oldie. Who needs the UN when we've got Coke? Click to enlarge.

Drivers Take Note

This just in: later this month police officers all over Iraq will begin strictly enforcing the country's seat belt laws...

Weekly Photo Challenge: "Ostentation"

This week the theme for Glenn and Dave's Weekly Photo Challenge is "ostentation" ("pretentious display meant to impress others; boastful showiness").

Here's how it went down, folks:



No doubt somebody will be pissed off by this, but I am Kyklops and I fear no man! Besides, can you prove it didn't happen?

The Sty in Socrates' Eye

We've heard this kind of crap before, but recent "research" claims that "people who believe in God are happier than agnostics or atheists." It seems that religious people are "better able to cope with disappointments such as unemployment or divorce than non-believers." And that's not all! These people "become even happier the more they pray and go to church"!

On the flip side, however, it seems also that these happy-go-lucky folk tended to be both more socially conservative and "less likely to look for a new job if they were out of work."

Now, if that doesn't paint a clear enough image your mind, consider the following, from "A proposal to classify happiness as a psychiatric disorder":

It is proposed that happiness be classified as a psychiatric disorder and be included in future editions of the major diagnostic manuals under the new name: major affective disorder, pleasant type. In a review of the relevant literature it is shown that happiness is statistically abnormal, consists of a discrete cluster of symptoms, is associated with a range of cognitive abnormalities, and probably reflects the abnormal functioning of the central nervous system. One possible objection to this proposal remains--that happiness is not negatively valued. However, this objection is dismissed as scientifically irrelevant.[*]
RP Bentall
Department of Clinical Psychology, Liverpool University.

Clearly all that remains is a bit of empirical research to sort out "chickens" from "eggs," that sort of thing, followed by a general culling of happy fools from positions of power. Then maybe the rest of us can get some fucking work done.

[*] If anyone knows whether this went beyond the stage of "proposal," please let me know!

I Want a Raise!

Nothing like a vanity boost while browsing the web. I should show this to my wife the next time I bring up the topic of buying a drum kit...




And yes, that's a comma (not a decimal point!).

[H/T: Glenn]

Never a Dull Moment...

I saw this poster...



... and, for some strange reason, thought of this song:

Nena-99 Red Balloons

The mind is a strange and wondrous thing...

Yeah, Right...

What's that old "Chinese proverb"? Something like, "It's better to keep one's mouth shut and appear to be a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt"? Or was it, "He who farts in church sits in pew"? I forget... Anyway, somewhere some squirrels running on exercise wheels squeezed out a few bingo balls and, as if by magic, translated the findings into a bunch of 0's and 1's and deemed the content of this blog to be of such a high level that only a genius could possibly comprehend it. I have, in my oh-so-subtle way, been trying to convince everybody of this fact for several months now. What's that old Klingon saying? "Revenge is a dish best served cold"? Or was it, "He who laughs last, laughs best"? I don't know, whatever it was I think that, on this auspicious occasion, it's quite appropriate. I mean, you know what they say in Japan: "The nail that sticks up gets hammered down." Or was it "The squeaky wheel gets the grease"? Fucked if I know and, as that great sage of our age, Yosemite Sam, is fond of saying, "It don't make no no-how to me anyhow"...

[H/T: Glenn]

The Idiot

Imagine if writing were like music: I think I could do a pretty good Dostoevsky cover, or Camus...