Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Shut the Fuck Up

Rock music has come to a standstill -- it's not going forward any more, it only bores me [...]
--Sting (ex-Police member)

In a stunning display of what-the-fuck-did-he-ever-know-about-rock-music-in-the-first-place, hypocrite and wanker-supreme Sting, in what can only be described as a spasm of irony-blindness, says rock is so boring that he's decided to devote his time to 16th century English ballads. Just for the record, I've got nothing against 16th century English ballads. BUT THEY STOPPED WRITING THEM 500 FUCKING YEARS AGO! What a fucking irrelevant idiot.

UPDATE: Priority Read: You Know, I Used to Be Kind of Cool Once. [Thanks, Mr. Angry]


  1. Guess you're not a Sting fan then? He is a bit up himself, but don't let him know he's getting to you so much, it will only make him worse . . .

  2. Hi nmj,
    Actually I haven't thought about Sting for years and, since The Police, have remained more or less neutral on the topic of his music (although "adult" rock is not really my thing, possibly saying more about me than about the music!).
    What bugged me was the inconsistency of his words with his actions, and the fact that he offered nothing in the way of concrete criticism. I imagine many of the people who buy his new album still listen to rock. What is he saying about them?
    Bah! You're right. It's probably not worth getting worked up about!

  3. The only response required to such a moronic statement from such an embarrassingly irrelevant has-been. For a laugh, check out this old piece from The Onion:


  4. Mbwahahah!! Brilliant, Mr. Angry! You've made my day!

  5. Yep, very good! I never liked The Police anyway, apart from "Walking on the Moon" and that was only because they were walking around some rocket or other hitting it with drumsticks.

    Having said that, you know, when I kinda think about it, I think I used to be cool once too.... how weird is that...?!

  6. ..er... actually, thinking about it again, I didn't....

    Hey kyklops - I see you're on the same 'platform' as Chez who visits Shit - is it possible to subscribe to your blog so I know when something new is posted?


  7. The Police, despite cultivating a rather bizarre "aryan" look, were a great band. Sting solo sucks engorged donkey balls. What kind of a berk calls himself "Sting" anyway?

    What kind of a berk calls himself "Shit" for that matter?

  8. Pal, I seem to recall trying to be cool when I was younger, now I just don't care about it (hey, it's the new cool!). I'm not sure how you can subscribe to my blog (I know there's an Atom feed link at the bottom of the page), but if you can do it with Chez's you should be able to do it with mine.

    Shit, believe it or not, Kyklops is my middle name... (heh)

  9. I think I was about 12 or 13 when I realized I would never be cool, so I might as well just be who I want to be. Not entirely sure I succeeded, but I definitely managed to avoid being cool.

  10. When I was younger I definitely wasn't cool. Then I thought it would be cool to be cool so I tried but it didn't work. But then not-cool became the new cool so I inherited coolness by default, until the not-cool/cool sham was exposed and cool became the new cool and I wasn't. Now I don't want to be cool, and am neither cool in a cool sense or cool in a non-cool sense, I just am - then again, that's cool isn't it?

    Oddly, I find myself using the word "cool" quite a bit, particularly at work. Eg
    "Pal, can I give you that report tomorrow"
    "Yep that's cool" (I also use "smooth")

    Both of these are utterly appaling and must be very irritating. I must try to say "thank you dear boy that would be splendid" instead.

    Finally, with regard to the word cool, I don't know about when this first appeared in the sense we're talking about but the following quote from Great Expectations (written in 1861 don't foget) surprised me when I first read it and certainly was enough to give the word a degree of legitimacy in my eyes: (I esp. like the last sentence)

    "Well, old chap," said Joe, "it do appear that she had settled the most of it, which I meantersay tied it up, on Miss Estella. But she had wrote out a little coddleshell in her own hand a day or two afore the accident, leaving a cool four thousand to Mr. Matthew Pocket. And why, do you suppose, above all things, Pip, she left that cool four thousand unto him? 'Because of Pip's account of him the said Matthew.' I am told by Biddy, that air the writing," said Joe, repeating the legal turn as if it did him infinite good, 'account of him the said Matthew.' And a cool four thousand, Pip!"

    I never discovered from whom Joe derived the conventional temperature of the four thousand pounds, but it appeared to make the sum of money more to him, and he had a manifest relish in insisting on its being cool.

  11. I also just remembered an Australian band from the 80's called The Deadly Hume that had a tasteful ditty called "Shut the fuck up"

  12. Good spot Angry!

    I just googled "I Used To Be Cool" just in case there was ever a song of that title - I didn't find one, but would you believe that out of 166 million results, the Sting article (from 1999) comes in at number THREE !! ARGH.

  13. Funny you should mention this! It just so happens I recently bought Sting's "old school" album from itunes. Why? I'm not really sure.

    It's freaking lute music! When I listen to it, I'm very afraid that I'm becoming Ignatius J. Riley (Confederacy of Dunces, lute music enthusiast dork).

  14. Heh, well I don't have anything against lute music, so it's entirely possible that Sting's album is ok. It's Sting himself that annoys the hell out of me. I remember once that he was on a Concord that had to make an emergency landing in Halifax, Nova Scotia (my humble homeland). He referred to the area as being (I'm paraphrasing) an empty, frozen tundra. He never left the airport (or even the plane, as far as I know), and the tundra is actually a thousand miles or so north of where he was...

  15. What a stupid thing for Sting to say. Whatever you do, don't listen to his lute album, you'll be enraged...

    It actually includes his own commentary tracks "explaining" the music! My husband threatened to move out if I play it in his hearing again.

  16. Ha! It sounds like a really crappy album if he actually has to explain the music (either that or he has a low opinion of his listeners).
    I sympathize with your husband's ultimatum! ;-)