A Japanese man recently won the World Air Guitar Championship in Finland. Less publicized, however, is the fact that Japan has another champion in, um, another "virtual" sport--air sex. According to this story in the WaiWai section (English translations of articles from some of Japan's less 'reputable' magazines) of the Mainichi Daily News, "air sex requires players to simulate sauciness as though with a partner, but actually while alone."
"Air sex was originally invented by guys who couldn't get girlfriends, but desperately want to have sex," J-Taro Sugisaku, the self-professed creator of air sex, tells Weekly Playboy.
Sugisaku discusses some the 'dangers' of air sex:
"You must be warned, though, air sex can be very dangerous," Sugisaku says. "Normally what happens with a display is that you perform the same way you normally would when having sex. I've seen guys who put on air sex shows that clearly display they're still virgins. I've also seen other guys perform such incredibly authentic fake fellatio that nobody has been left in any doubt that they could only be bisexual. Let me reiterate: Air sex can be dangerous."
Hmmm... The reigning air sex champion, who calls himself Cobra, informs us that "successful air sex... involves more than just blowing," and gives some insight into the mental preparation required to be a successful air sex... participant:
"On the day that I reached the top, the day I became world champion, I was thinking of my girlfriend. No, my ex-girlfriend. She'd just dumped me two days before the contest," Cobra tells Weekly Playboy. "The air sex display I put on that day was, in my mind at least, supposed to be the farewell fling I really wanted to have with my girlfriend. It was the best possible condition I could have been in going into the competition."
Now close your eyes and imagine this:
Cobra then proceeds to put on an 8 1/2-minute display of air sex for the weekly, with moves including ear nibbling, sphincter licking, attaching a condom while kissing, ejaculation and afterglow. Cobra says that the knack of bogus bonking lies in openness.
If you're still here, Cobra has some advice for aspiring air sex 'artists':
"You can't care about what women watching your performance are thinking about you. When you get down to air sex, you've got to immerse yourself in the air sex world," Cobra says. "Air sex can't be performed in half-measures. If it is, you're only asking for trouble."
Sugisaku concurs, explaining that "if you get nervous, air sex is impossible. A good start is understanding your own sexual habits and going on from there." Truly words to live by...
UPDATE: In a classic case of 'I wish I'd thought o' that', Eli at Multi Medium asks, "... do they achieve airgasm?"
Tags: Japan : sex : humor