PSA: Emoticon-Live

[The following scene could be playing itself out anywhere in the world. Right now. As you're reading this. Anytime, really. Yesterday, even.]

A: Fuck, I hate literal-minded people.

B: What do you mean? Like, who?

A: That asshole roommate of mine. He's a fucking English major for Christ's sake, but he takes everything I say, I mean every-fucking-thing, literally.

B: Like what?

A: Oh, fuck... A couple of weeks ago I walked into the kitchen and he was pouring himself a glass of milk. I was actually in a good mood, and when I saw him having milk I just blurted out, "Hey! Real men don't drink milk, ya know?" I mean, I was just kidding around.

B: Yeah?

A: He was all, like, "Oh." That was it. He said, "Oh."

B: Hmmm... Maybe he didn't get that you were kidding around.

A: No fucking shit. Today I was pouring myself a glass of milk, and he came into the kitchen and when he saw me he got all serious and shit and said, "I thought you said real men didn't drink milk."

B: Really?

A: No shit. He looked at me as if I were the biggest, lying-est, sack of shit on the planet.

B: Fuck off.

A: I'm fucking serious, man.

B: What did you do?

A: What did I do? I looked at him as if he were the biggest, stupidest sack of shit on the planet. I mean, what the fuck? The guy studies Shakespeare and shit and he can't tell when someone's kidding around?

B: Maybe he was kidding around.

A: What? No... You think...?

[Insert plug for "Emoticon-Live" product here.]