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Whale Meat Again

The recent shenanigans, antics, and various acts of tomfoolery on the high seas, and the assorted and sundry commentaries, have become so absurd that I'm beginning to think that perhaps Japan really should stop the whale hunt, if only to save the idiots of the world from themselves (in much the same way that the best reason for quitting smoking is so that everyone else will shut the fuck up).

True Canadian Facts! (2)

Our wingnut friends in the south are veritable fonts of information and trivia about Canada. They certainly know us better than we know ourselves and we really appreciate their unceasing efforts to educate us and keep us in our place.

--Canada sent troops to Vietnam. (Ann Coulter)

--Canada exists solely through the good graces of its American benefactors. (Ann Coulter)

--Canadians are mentally-retarded stalkers who obsess about the United States. Anybody with any ambition at all in Canada has left and now lives in New York. (Tucker Carlson)

--"Without the U.S., Canada is essentially Honduras, but colder and much less interesting." "... the average Canadian is busy dogsledding." (Tucker Carlson)

--[...] Canadians... are often among the nicest and most decent people you'd ever want to meet. They just don't live in a normal country. (Jonah Goldberg)

--Canada is a haven for terrorists. "[...] virtually every terrorist organization in the world has come to and set up shop at one time or another in Canada..." (Pat Buchanan)

--"[...] Canada is a homo-fascist state where the filthy fag agenda has become the law of the land." "God hates Canada!" (Fred Phelps)

As a Canadian it pleases me that these (and many other) luminaries of the arts and sciences in America have devoted their time and energy to the study of Canada and all things Canadian, and have, by their selfless and untiring efforts, contributed to the world's knowledge and understanding of Canada. Bless you all, and please, keep up the good work!

Gay Marriage Will Destroy the World!!

I can't seem to get too worked up about lesbians for some reason... BUT I KNOW THEY'RE EVIL!!



[Via Multi Medium via Cliff Schecter]

Tagged Out...

I've been tagged by my buddy John at konichwa, bitches. I'm supposed to give eight random facts about myself and then tag eight other people. Unfortunately, I don't think I have eight friends who haven't already been tagged by some meme or another recently, so I don't think I can play along fully on this one.

I can, however, list eight random things about myself:

1. Brush with fame: Michael Chiklis (The Shield, Fantastic 4, etc.) said hello to me at Narita Airport in Tokyo about two years ago.


2. I can play "Mary Had a Little Lamb" on every musical instrument known to humankind.


3. I was in grade 4 when I played my first game of organized hockey in a league in Winnipeg, Manitoba. I scored four goals and two assists. A "scout" from an "elite" team happened to see my game and invited me to play that evening with his team. My initial excitement was dampened by having to don the jersey of the hated Montreal Canadiens (I was born a Boston Bruins fan). This indignity had an adverse effect on my play, and to this day I blame the "curse of the Canadiens" for my ultimate failure to fulfill my destiny as a star player in the National Hockey League. Instead, I turned to a life of crime and debauchery which, of course, had only one logical end: teaching English at a university here in Japan. I'll see you in hell, Habs.


4. I lived in Germany for three years when I was a kid, and even attended kindergarten there. Apparently I used to make my mother sick with my habit of crossing the autobahn in order to get to the Canadian military base where my father worked. I did this because when I (4-years-old) arrived at the gate the guards would call my dad and he'd give me a ride back home... in a jeep! One day I got lost and wandered onto the American base by mistake. Paydirt! They drove me (in a jeep!) to the Canadian base, and from there my dad drove me home (in a jeep!).


5. When I was 17 I hitch-hiked from Truro, Nova Scotia to Medicine Hat, Alberta. I ran out of money in Medicine Hat, so I hung out there for a week. I hitch-hiked back to Truro when the drugs wore off and I started to get hungry.


6. I once dated a stripper (for about 6 weeks).


7. My only A+ grade in university came from a course in "existentialism". Talk about self-discovery...


8. My mother is fond of telling the following story about me: When I was about 5 she sent me to the corner store to buy a loaf of bread. I honestly don't remember this, but apparently when I found out that the store was sold out of bread I walked outside and threw the money away. I'd like to think that this story is true...

That's probably more than anyone needed (or wanted) to know about me...

Blah Blah Blah

Here's a fun game I play with my EFL students. It's called "blah blah blah" and the rules are really simple. First, pick a famous person. Any famous person will do, but don't tell anyone who you've picked! The trick is to get others to guess who your famous person is without actually speaking any English! Well, maybe a few words. All you have to do is say "blah blah blah" over and over while inserting occasional "key words" that serve as clues for other participants to guess who your famous person is. Sound confusing? Naahhh. Look at the following example:

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah freedom. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah justice blah blah blah blah blah justice. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah justice blah blah blah blah justice blah justice blah blah justice blah blah freedom. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah evil-doers blah blah blah blah justice blah blah blah freedom freedom freedom justice justice justice. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah leadership blah blah blah God blah blah blah blah blah blah leadership. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah enemies of freedom blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah freedom. Blah blah blah blah blah terror blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah terrorists blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah terrorists blah blah blah blah Islam blah blah blah Muslim blah blah blah blah blah blah kill Christians and Jews blah blah kill all Americans blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Islamic blah blah blah blah blah blah extremism blah blah blah Muslim blah blah blah blah. Blah blah freedom blah blah blah blah blah blah hate freedom blah blah blah blah justice blah blah blah freedom blah blah God blah blah blah. Freedom blah blah blah justice blah blah blah freedom blah blah blah justice blah blah blah freedom blah blah blah evil blah blah blah blah freedom blah blah blah blah blah justice.

Wasn't that fun? Did you guess who it was? Well, my students here in Japan typically guess my "famous person" after two or three lines, and they don't know any English. How did you do?

Will You Please Shut the Fuck Up

From the Idiots, Liars, and Assholes Department:

All the school shootings that have ended abruptly in the last 10 years were stopped because a law-abiding citizen -- a potential victim -- had a gun...
The latest school shooting at Virginia Tech demands an immediate end to the gun-free zone law which leaves the nation's schools at the mercy of madmen.

--Larry Pratt, executive director of Gun Owners of America

Maybe I see it because I'm not American. Maybe it's because I live in Japan. Maybe it's because I'm educated. Maybe my parents "brought me up right". Maybe I see it because I'm Canadian. Maybe it's because I'm an atheist, or because I've studied philosophy. Maybe it's just the weather. Holy fucking shit, maybe it's mind control rays from Mars!

What am I talking about? What is it that I see? Well, I'll tell you, friends. I see a hole. Yes, friends, a hole. A hole in logic. A big, black, gaping hole. A veritable fucking vortex. A black hole so big that no trace of common sense or decency can escape its event horizon. Not one fucking iota.

Take your fucking guns, shove them up your fucking ass, and then, please, shut the fuck up...

Saturday Night's Alright

Disturbance Rocks Downtown Miyazaki

March 26, 2007 (Miyazaki)--Police are still trying to determine what sparked a disturbance in the downtown area during the wee hours of Sunday morning, amid reports of young women ripping off their clothing and running through the streets crying "Kyklops is teh shit!" The source of the disturbance appears to have been a small downtown bar operated and frequented by some of the less savory foreign elements in Miyazaki, and police have confirmed that on the night in question there was a live performance by a trio of Miyazaki's most notorious gaijin low-life. One of these characters, who is known only by the pseudonym "Kyklops", was placed on Japan's "most wanted" list last year when witnesses reported that he had stepped into a tatami room without first removing his shoes. He faces the death penalty if convicted of these charges, but to date police efforts to bring him into custody have been futile.

It is alleged that at some point during the trio's performance several young women began to swoon, clutching at their bodies and ripping their clothes off. "We're investigating the possible involvement of illegal substances," police spokesman Taro Suzuki told reporters. "What else could incite such behaviour in beautiful young Japanese women?" he added.

Anyone with information related to this incident or with knowledge of the whereabouts of the suspect "Kyklops" is urgently requested to contact their local police representative.