Aphorisms of the Kyklopes #3

You know how weird it feels when a mouthful of beer somehow finds its way back up through your nose, and you weren't even laughing or anything?

Well, maybe you don't...

But it's kinda like life, amirite?

Jugs o' Whiskey

I guess there's nothing particularly unusual about a 4 liter jug o' whiskey (mmm... whiskey...), but I was mildly surprised to come across a booze section while shopping at the newest Yamada Denki here in Miyazaki.


Yamada Denki is Japan's largest chain of electronics shops. Their stores tend to be really big--imagine a WalMart with nothing but electronics--and this new one, aside from being huge, also has a pharmacy, sells kitchenware, booze, and designer goods. Need a new watch? Here they start at about a buck and go all the way up to a Rolex. Pretty clever, if you ask me. The store I was in yesterday recently opened across the street from a competitor's shop (Kojima), which itself had opened less than a year ago.

From the Dept. of the Obvious

Societies the world over seem always to be moaning about the declining educational standards of "today's youth." Finally, amidst all the stories of gloom and doom, a bright spot:

The young are using alcohol labels to work out the fastest, cheapest way to get drunk.
A study of university students found they use the information on the labels [...] to pick stronger drinks.
[...]
"They also use the labelling to reduce the amount of liquid consumed; reduce the time taken to get drunk."

Never under-estimate the resourcefulness of the young, that's what I always say!

Le Saberage

Just the other day I was wondering to myself, "how do I open a bottle of champagne with a sword?"



Now I know.

Opening Salvo

Heh, cool. My first blog post from a hotel room. And I'm drinking beer, too! You'd think an almost-50-year-old guy could think of something a bit more... reflective to say on such an auspicious occasion, but fuck it. I've decided that I rather like blogging and drinking in hotel rooms, and I don't care what the neighbors might think...

[Note to self: it's all fine and dandy to have rockin' tunes on the laptop, but next time you'll have to remember that laptops have crap speakers... more beer might "fix" the problem, though...]

Great song title (and pretty good tune, too): ZZ Top: "A Fool for Your Stockings".

Fukuoka is a good, fun city (about the same size as Vancouver), and I recommend it to anybody visiting Kyushu, but I've been here a million times. Bring on Manila!

You already knew this: Repeated listening has led me to believe that Dream Syndicate must have heard a few Velvet Underground albums...

A good friend told me that when he was in Manila one time the band Rage Against the Machine was staying at the same hotel. In the hotel lobby they had a sign that read "Welcome, Rage Against the Machine!" Thinking about this induces the giggles...

This is why the Japanese will conquer the world (thanks Japan Probe):



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For all the talk about the iphone, I can't think of a single reason why anyone in Japan would want to buy one--collectors aside (and really, compared to what's available here, it's an antique). (Prompted by my purchase yesterday of a new keitai).

Chuck Berry's "Nadine" must surely be ranked among the greatest performances of all time. Chuck fuckin' Berry! Ouch!

More ZZ Top: "Sure Got Cold After the Rain Fell". You know, back in my drum-playin' daze, ZZ Top had almost god-like status. Not because they were "fashionable", and not because they were "cutting edge" (although Eliminator, in my opinion, ranks as one of the most ground-breaking rock albums of all-time). No, ZZ Top just played like everyone else could only dream of playing, they were every rocker's favorite band...

Ahh... The Yardbirds... now there was a band...

Early flight tomorrow, must sleep...

Arts and Sciences

Back in my grad school days I used to work part-time as a bartender. One of my co-workers at this job, and a fellow grad student, was a young woman who was doing a PhD in Biology. I was doing a lowly MA in Classics, and I was 10 years older than her ( I didn't enter uni until I was in my 30s). Sometimes we would drink, and talk, and argue. We often argued about the "utility" of study in the "humanities." She was a real "scientist" so I usually forgave her generally unforgiving views of the humanities.

One night we were at a party. My friend didn't drink much, because she always had lab work, reports, and a bunch of other stuff to do every day. At this particular party I got completely blotto, and found myself hugging the toilet, if you know what I mean. Anyway, my friend finds me and figures this is a good time to "get one in".

"Jesus, Rick, look at yourself. You humanities students are something else. Do you guys ever, like, study or anything?"

I've got puke on my chin. I'm drunk, I'm sick, I'm wasted. I look at her and say, "For Christ's sake, what the fuck do you think I'm doing now?"

Quote(s) of the Week

I had haemorrhoids for five years and nothing gave me relief. But six months ago, I started drinking half a glass of my urine every morning and I am practically healed...

For several years I haven't had a hair on my head, but since I started drinking my urine it's started growing again - it's extraordinary.

--testimonials on behalf of "urine therapy" (urinotherapy)

'Nuff said...

...er, wait a minute... "'nuff said" my ass... cures haemorrhoids and baldness...?

Quote of the Week

Beer is the basis of modern static civilization. [...] before beer was discovered, people used to wander around and follow goats from place to place.
--Charlie Bamforth (Anheuser-Busch Endowed Professor of Brewing Science, University of California, Davis)

'Nuff said...

Puttin' on the Ritz...

You know, I spend so much time whining and complaining about Japan here on my blog, that sometimes, like tonight, I feel bad and want to give something back to my adopted home. That's right, I'd like to say something nice about Japan.

One of the truly (no shit!) good things about the Japanese is that they have a much healthier attitude toward alcohol, and drinking generally. I'm not saying that they have no problems here with, for example, alcoholism and drunk driving. Nor do I mean to suggest that these kinds of problems are accepted (although it's probably true that they're dealt with more quietly--Japan is not a "let's-talk-about-it" society). By "a healthy attitude toward alcohol" I simply mean that the Japanese recognize alcohol as a good thing in life, and they have no hang-ups about having a few beers in the right time and place. As a culture, I think it's also safe to say that the Japanese are also, on the whole, a lot more tolerant of people who may have had a bit too much to drink (there is, for example, no social stigma involved if you get shit-faced at the office party and make a horse's ass out of yourself--not that that's ever happened to me, mind you...).

Anyway, this leads me to the picture you see on the left, a picture of the back of a box of Ritz crackers purchased here in Japan. You can't see the whole box, but it's basically a variety of recipe and serving suggestions for the product. One of the suggestions is "Ritz with beer", and really, why the hell not? I ask you, however, would Ritz dare to have it's product mentioned in conjunction with alcohol in Canada or the U.S. (I'm not certain about the U.K.)? Why can't a potato chip or peanut company in North America advertise it's product as the perfect complement to beer? Hell, why can't North American beer companies show someone actually drinking their products? Beer is a legal product, isn't it? Why this hypocrisy? Where does it come from? (Yeah, well, those are rhetorical questions, aren't they, because we know exactly where this hypocrisy and others come from...)

It's a fact, ladies and gentlemen, that in several key areas of life, the Japanese are much more socially advanced, more civilized than North Americans.

DWI: Dialing While Intoxicated

From the Daily Yomiuri, this story about a cell phone attached to a breath analyzer that is becoming popular with bus and transport companies. Apparently there has been a recent rash of incidents involving drunk drivers which has led Japan's Construction and Transport Ministry to impose stricter administrative punishments on transport and other companies "that allowed employees to drive while under the influence of alcohol or did not properly supervise their drivers to prevent such reckless driving habits."

The new system, which uses NTT DoCoMo's FOMA third-generation cell phone equipped with a breath analyzer, is easy to use. First, the driver makes a video-phone call to his or her company and breathes into the analyzer connected to the cell phone. The video image showing the driver blowing into the analyzer and data regarding the alcohol concentration on his or her breath are transmitted to the company and confirmed by computer there.
[...] The company can check the alcohol concentration while watching the video image, eliminating the possibility that a drunken driver might try to get around the system by getting somebody sober to pose as the driver to breathe into the analyzer.

Some companies are using the systems to check alcohol levels before employees begin their shifts, and to check whether someone is driving under the influence the morning after a night on the town.

Personally, I'm in favor of anything that can help reduce the incidence of drunk driving. What worries me, however, is the potential for abuse if this device is put into the wrong hands. I can imagine a time when a breath analyzer is a standard feature on cell phones, especially here in Japan where they love to cram a million useless features into any piece of technology (if I desire it, for example, my current cell phone will emit the sound of maracas when shaken...). Who the hell wants his wife calling him in the middle of a Friday night binge with his buddies so she can check on how much he's been drinking? Now, I'm not talking about myself, of course, no no... It's the principle, the ideal, nay, the sanctity of our cherished notions of liberty and privacy that concern me. Yeah, that's it...

Tags: Japan : tech : drinking : humor