The other morning I witnessed the spectacle of my wife, rolled up piece of newspaper in hand, trying to kill a cockroach. While running away from it. Now, being something of a student of the classics, I got to wondering what Jed Clampett might say in a situation like this. It came to me.
"Give me that fucking thing," I said. I grabbed the newspaper out of her hand, and charged at the cockroach. The paper came down. A moment later there was a dead cockroach on the floor. Something in the newspaper caught my eye. I started reading it as I wandered back to my coffee.