News from The Korean Central News Agency of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea

Sometimes it seems like I've somehow forgotten how to write. I feel tired, or uninspired, or... I don't know, I just don't feel like writing anything. During these trying times I find it helpful to read something interesting, something inspiring.

The Korean Central News Agency of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea has never let me down. Moments after reading one of their articles, sure enough, I find myself clacking away at the keyboard. The Korean Central News Agency of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea has, for me, muse-like, almost magical powers; a zen quality that helps me clear away the cobwebs of my mind and inspires me to spread their good words to the world. I bow down in humble awe to the masters at The Korean Central News Agency of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.

Behold, the dire warnings directed at those who would thwart the will of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea [from April 2]:

It is the Japanese reactionaries, the sworn enemy of the Korean people, who are perpetrating the most evil doings over the DPRK's projected satellite launch for peaceful purposes.

It kinda makes me wish I had a "sworn enemy," or that I were the sworn enemy of someone. Really, who doesn't dream of being able to talk that way with a straight face?

Kongo and Choukai, guided-missile destroyers of the Japanese aggressor forces and the destroyer Great King Sejong of the south Korean puppet navy have already been deployed in the East Sea of Korea.

The "south Korean puppet navy"! My imagination is ablaze!

The KPA General Staff solemnly declares as follows to cope with the prevailing situation:

1. If Japan recklessly "intercepts" the DPRK's satellite for peaceful purposes, the KPA will mercilessly deal deadly blows not only at the already deployed intercepting means but at major targets.

You know, there are those who condemn the language used in the pronouncements of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, but wouldn't it be fun to be rid of the niceties of civilized behavior and just say what's really on your mind?

2. The U.S. should immediately withdraw its already deployed armed forces if it does not wish to be hurt by the above-said strike as DPRK clarified its stand on its projected satellite launch for peaceful purposes.

Sometimes word choice is everything. The Korean Central News Agency of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea's use of the word "hurt" in this context brought tears of admiration to my eyes.

3. The south Korean puppet bellicose forces should refrain from disturbing the said launch, the pride of the nation, while currying favor with their U.S. and Japanese masters.

As an English teacher, it's rare that I read such jaw-droppingly complex prose as this, let alone actually write something like it. But dammit, the The Korean Central News Agency of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea sure inspires me to keep trying!