Kim Jong Il: Capitalist Genius

The Democratic People's Republic of Korea has had a busy week, what with detonating a nuclear bomb, launching a bunch of ballistic missiles into the sea, scrapping the armistice, declaring war on South Korea and the rest of the world (are links really necessary?), and whatever regular, daily shenanigans they're usually busy at. And, of course, this has all been planned and carried out by the Dear Leader himself.

The world has been on edge all week trying to figure out what those crazy bastards are up to this time. Meanwhile, I have been analyzing the available data, and only now feel confident about divulging the results. What you are about to read may shock you, may horrify you, may make you laugh so hard you cry... Whatever. It's none of my business, really.

Why North Korea acts the way it does and what Kim Jong Il really wants:

All the Dear Leader wants, dear reader, is for you to buy one of these snappy suits [PDF file--R.] he's designed and has for sale:


In fact, I have it on good authority that for every 100 suits sold (excluding sales in South Korea and Japan) the Dear Leader will cancel one scheduled nuclear test.

Yet another way in which capitalism shows itself to be a catalyst for world peace. Unless you're a fucking Commie, or something...