California Dreamin'

You'd think that after five days in California I might have managed to take a few interesting pictures. Sadly, no. In fact, it seemed I did more driving than anything else. This picture, taken from my hotel room, pretty much captures the image of California that I returned to Japan with.


In fairness, this has more to do with a busy work schedule than with California "sucking" or anything like that. A couple of (very subjective) general observations:

--Aside from a few security types (especially at the airport), this trip really reinforced my perception of Americans as being incredibly friendly, generous, and kind to visitors. I've been to Boston, New York, several New England states, and now Los Angeles/Southern California. Every encounter I've had with Americans in America has been a positive experience. Maybe being Canadian allows me to "pass as American," but still...

--I found this strange, especially in a place like California: the salads I had at restaurants were awful. It was the lettuce. It seemed somewhat off, or at least not very fresh. I had one very good spinach salad, though. Everything else I ate was awesome.

--At my hotel, at the malls, pretty much everywhere I went, the service staff were Spanish-speaking people (I assume from Mexico). This in itself is not very troubling to me, but I hope that these peoples' kids at least have the chance to go to university, etc.

--This probably has more to do with me being an English-speaker and a Canadian than anything, but I clearly felt more comfortable on this trip than my Japanese colleagues. It sometimes seemed to me that, for them, anything less than complete obsequiousness from wait staff, for example, was to be interpreted as outright hostility. Personally, I quite enjoy it if someone in a shitty job can find a clever, subtle way of letting me know that I'm being an idiot. I'm not talking about general rudeness, I'm talking about an intelligent person reminding me that he/she is my fucking equal, regardless of the current circumstances. It's one thing I miss about Canada, and frankly Japan could use more of this.

--I didn't get a chance to spend an evening in a bar, meeting and talking to people. On a personal level this trip was a failure.

Angel Stadium

From my hotel room I can see Angel Stadium, home of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim [clears throat...].

In-N-Out

You know you're in California when...


... you have lunch at an In-N-Out.

A strange thing happened just after taking this shot. I had no sooner snapped it when some sort of security person scooted up to me in a golf-cart-type vehicle and told me that it was forbidden to take pictures. Having no desire to be deported back to Canada via Guantanamo, I meekly turned off my camera and put it back into its case. I suppose the "no pictures" rule may have had something to do with the fact that I was technically on a university campus (UC Irvine). Nevertheless, North America seems weirder to me every time I come back...

California!

Fighting through severe jet lag, exhaustion, etc. to write this, but I'll probably be up all night anyway, so what the hell...

Arrived at LAX at about 10:00 this morning and, at the risk of offending my American friends, I have to say that the process of clearing US customs and immigration must be the slowest and most inefficient in the world. Please, will somebody in the American government go over and see how the Japanese do it? They have a similar fingerprint, photo, anal probe, etc. system, and it's never taken me more than 20-30 minutes to clear customs there. (Bonus for Canadian travelers: the anal probe is optional, no doubt due to the special relationship we have with our American overlords friends.)

Not being a big city guy, it's always a bit of a rush to stumble out of the front doors of the airport of a big city; jet-lagged, exhausted, stinking, and stunned, the sheer magnitude of the apparent chaos that confronts me outside makes it seem as if I've stepped onto the surface of another planet. I like to soak it in for a few moments as I get my bearings (a strategy that I've found prevents me from losing my mind completely when dealing with sensory overload). It always seems to me that I'm the only person there who hasn't got a fucking clue where he's supposed to be going...

Eventually we (I'm traveling with a couple of Japanese staff members) made our way to the shuttle bus that would take us to the car rental place. We had to rent a car and then drive down to Orange, where we're staying. In my somewhat shell-shocked state I didn't really feel like driving, but the looks of terror on my companions' faces told me that maybe I'd better and, with the GPS programmed, we headed out onto the freeway! Here I was, cruising down a California freeway! Now, in my mind I'd always kinda pictured this scene involving a beautiful blond-haired woman, the windows down, The Eagles or something on the radio... You know, the usual crap. In fact, it was more a white-knuckle ride into terror (although my fellow travelers seemed genuinely impressed that a) I had the air of someone who actually had half a clue about what he was doing, b) we neither struck nor were struck by other cars, and c) I didn't make a single wrong turn). We arrived at our hotel in one piece. Mission accomplished...

Each time I come back to North America I seem to experience an increased sense of reverse culture shock. It's really weird how the smallest, most mundane things can momentarily paralyze me, leave me trying to remember how I'm supposed to act, what I'm supposed to do, in this or that situation. In Japan, for example, there's no tipping anywhere, so I've gotten out of the habit. Now when I find myself in a tipping environment my mind seems to go into some sort of "calculation loop" as I frantically try to figure out how much to give as a tip. This used to be almost second nature to me. Another thing is North American food portions. Tonight, as I was struggling to finish my $10 side of beef and bushel and a half of potatoes it became clear to me why the Japanese are, by and large, a lot slimmer than Westerners.

Of course there's one cultural aspect of North America that trumps pretty much everything else: I can speak English. I can read the signs. I'm not illiterate (in fact here I might be considered an extremely literate fellow, if I do say so myself...). I can get into the background chatter at a bar or restaurant or wherever. I understand what people are saying to me and I understand what the fuck is going on. There's no confusion, and therefore no headaches. I would never say that I'm not able to relax in Japan, but here in North America I can relax in a different way.